Everyday is a battle.
A battle to make it through the day, a battle to provide for yourself and/or your family, a battle to get to the weekend.
An internal battle to get back to the person you were meant to be. A battle to choose to leave the things that hurt your future, and focus on the things that are worth the risk. A battle to choose right. A battle to take the hard road, when no one else will.
I've been fighting the same battles, day in day out. A battle to stay afloat and look forward to better things ahead, even when I don't see them. A battle to trust in God when I don't feel Him or hear Him. A battle to silence that noise, that small, yet powerful noise inside that whispers,
you are not enough.
your best days are long gone.
you're a has been.
I've been wrestling with these noises. That my glory days are over. The days of being the best version of me are behind me.
And, I hate to admit it, but sometimes, like today, I listen to those noises.
I know better not to. But it's easier said than done, right?
When I look at where I am and compare it to where I had planned to be, it gets easier to listen to the noise. When the present and the future all look bleak, it gets easier to listen to the noise. When life hands me lemons, lemonade is not the first thing that comes to mind.
There's a poem we used to recite when we were kids...
I've always heard noises
All the way from the womb
Noises I can't control or stop
Noises from the mad
Noises from the maddened
Noises from the satisfied
Noises from the seekers
Noises from the angry
Noises from the hungry
Noises from the peaceful
Noises from the merrymakers
Noises from the sick
Noises from the dying
I've always heard noises
All the way to the tomb
And today, as I began to look back on the 'glory days' and hear the noise, I now realize that it is what it is. Noise.
And the poem rings true. I've always heard noises. And I don't want to hear noises. I want to hear the voice, the small, still voice, whispering,
You Are Enough.
Whispering so quiet yet so loud that it drowns the noise.
It's not that I was enough, or that I will be enough, it's that I am enough.
And today, I need to hear that above all the noise.
And maybe, you need to hear it too.
