Season.
This is a word that I've had a love-hate, mostly hate relationship with. I am the type of person that hates change, especially when it's uncomfortable. I'm pretty sure my friends can tell you my food orders, if it ever came up in a game, which obviously it has in a game of fishbowl. Don't get me wrong, I love adventure. I thrive for adventure. But change? (And we all winced while vehemently shaking our heads).
I love the sun. I love when I step out and the sun is streaming through the bright blue skies. It's December and it's supposed to be sunny. But for global warming and whatever other factors, it's been raining day and night.
But deeper than that, I'm in a different season. When I was in high school and the motivational speakers use to come out and speak to us, they would have us write down where we wanted to be in 5, 10 years. It's been 6 years since I've been out of high school, and let me tell you, what I wrote down on paper and what I'm currently living out are two totally different outcomes. Adulting, right? We should've taken those naps while we still could.
I've accepted that I'm in a different season than I would have pictured for myself. It's dark, it's lonely, and for most days, it sucks. When I started to accept this late last year, I thought, surely by next year, I'll be out of this season. I just had to stick it out. And I tried so hard to stick it out.
But here we are, ending 2019, the end of a decade, (which just hit me recently, that's huge!!!) and I'm still in the same season. Sure, there are some things different, but some things are still the same. Some feelings are creeping back up after I worked so hard to push through them.
I don't know when this season for me will be over. I hate to think that Abraham had to wait 25 years for his promise; because I don't have that kind of patience.
But I also know that the promise lies in the wait. And that I am not supposed to miss this season, however draining and difficult it might be.
1 Kings 18: 41 - I hear the sound of abundance of rain.
I'd love to tell you that I hear it, but the truth is I don't. The truth is I'm working up a great deal of faith to believe that, and to actually hear it. Because if this season is what it's going to take to get to the promise, to hear the rain (in this sense, not literal, but the provision and abundance and promise He has), then this is exactly where I need to be.
And I'm not saying that with a signature smile, I'm saying that with hope, with crazy faith that starts out little like the mustard seed.